I listened to SoI today driving down to my favourite beach, a place that clears my head and makes me feel a lot better while I am there. It's been a rough year; end of a 14 year relationship with who I thought was the love of my life. It's been tough.
I was driving home and "The Troubles" came on. I was in a pretty good space and a few lines jumped out at me. To put in context, I believe my marriage has ended due to my partners battles with mental illness. There has been numerous episodes. Very sad. I gave 100% support and wanted to continue, I love her deeply.
Numerous lines have new meaning for me now.
"Somebody stepped inside your soul
Somebody stepped inside your soul
Little by little they robbed and stole
Till someone else was in control"
That's pretty obvious. Gradual changes. Two different people/souls in one body.
"I have a will for survival
So you can hurt me
And then hurt me some more
I can live with denial
But your not my troubles anymore"
This set is what really hit me first, and hard. In relationships like mine, from what I have been reading, one person can keep reaching and reaching, trying to help, believing they can make things better, getting hurt over and over along the way, for the sake of the survival of their relationship. Certainly what I have been living. It hurts, but you never want to give up. The denial on the sufferers part can be constant, yet the reacher doesn't give up, until finally you have to let go for self preservation, and let go of their troubles. It's sad and gut-wrenching. To let go of the love of your life, and someone you know needs help but won't admit it, it's incredibly challenging and I wish it on no one. "God knows it's not easy, taking on the shape of someone else's pain" is another that jumps out at me.