jen, I have bipolar disorder and diligently go to therapy and take my medications every day without fail. Full-blown type 1, the kind that is stigmatized and gives people the creeps...and I'm going to go back to school for a career change in January. People who meet me can't tell unless I specifically give them information about my experiences dealing with my condition. I've had people say, "No way!" when I "come out" about it. My last and hopefully final hospitalization was almost ten years ago (only one prior to that), and that was before most of the medications that help me were on the market and FDA approved for my condition. Not all of us are dangerous. In fact, most of us aren't. There is hope for those of us who are treatment adherent.
And then there is my ex, who also has it, and refused to take meds and only occasionally went to therapy. He is an ex for many reasons, but many if not most of those reasons can be boiled down to problems caused by his refusal to take medication. His life and the lives of everyone around him would be a lot easier if he treated his condition. I couldn't take it anymore, so I can definitely see where you are coming from. He basically had this idea in his mind that everyone around him was the cause of his problems, and/or had the responsibility for solving/controlling his problems, and that is very, very difficult to deal with. He started getting manipulative and emotionally abusive towards the end, and I pulled the plug on the relationship.
That said, there is something called anosognosia, which is when a mentally ill person lacks insight into the fact that she or he is mentally ill. Half of schizophrenics have this; I don't know what the percentage is for bipolar - it's not as high as for schizophrenia, because most of us have some asymptomatic periods, and then can look back and see that we were ill, and proceed to treat it accordingly from that point forward, while some never gain that perspective, and no one knows why. The hard part for both the patient and the loved ones is that whether or not one has anosognosia is not volitional. It's luck of the draw and not something anyone would choose.
And there are some, like my ex, who acknowledge the diagnosis but think they are above treating it - treating is OK for other people, just not them - he'd tell you he was bipolar if asked, but beyond that, did nothing to treat it. He had a "this is WHO (not how) I am and people just need to deal with it." He basically over-identified with his condition to the extent that it became his defining characteristic. It sounds like your sister may be in the same boat. I feel for you, because it's easier to dump a boyfriend than a sister.
