[She's a strong girl]

and it's taken me a week, but it's finally sinking in. And to be honest it kinda sucks.

Yeah an understatement, but this is my first breakup ever. it sucks because we actually managed to keep it going for 2 years before it fell apart.

I'm going through all the stuff everyone said I would go through: the realization that she won't be there by your side anymore, the loneliness when you're stressed out from work and you have no one to turn to, and most of all, the biting worry all the time about how she's doing.

What makes this so hard is the fact that it was a mutual agreement, and we agreed to stay away from each other. Yet at the same time I find myself worrying all the time about how she's doing, and whether she's gonna make it. She's a strong girl, I know, but she also has the tendency to blame herself for everything that goes wrong. Yet at the same time I don't want her to blame me and remember me as someone she hates...does that make any sense?

It sucks when I hear from my friends about how well she's doing, because I know her better than them and I know that she's putting on a strong front. The hardest part is not being able to comfort her because that would just complicate matters further.

It's like when you still care for someone, but you know the relationship is doomed to failure, and so you have to lie to her and to yourself so as to be able to put distance between the two of you, while at the same time admitting to a tiny part of yourself that you're dying from worry. Does that make any sense? I've been listening to "Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses" non-stop, it's just so fitting.

Sorry for ranting guys. Apologies if i wasted your time with a mopey post.

LOL Stronggirl

walk on, yuk! im glad you can find solace in WGFYWH.  U2 has always been there for me when i needed levitation.  but don't worry! love will come to town.  it's out there, you just have to find it.  i know, because i once found it, ironically while listening to 'streets.'  when it does come, you'll know for sure.  it's one of those real moments of surrender, where a giant light comes on in your head and the rest of the world goes numb, and you feel loved in a way you've never known before.  just don't forget: your love for her may have just been a dying lightbulb hangin' over your bed, but OUR love for you will endure.  if there's one thing U2 and a beautiful, life-changing four year relationship with someone who (god rest her soul) lifted me up out of the mire has taught me, it's that all of us really do love each other.  regardless of who or where they are.  we share our love, and carry each other.  life will get better...just have faith and remember that we're all here for you!

Song that's playing on my mind now is John Mayer's Heartbreak Warfare. So strangely apt.

Hang in there. Things will get better......in time.
Listen to lots of music and laugh from time to time

I had a bad break-up, it was back in 1992. I thought I had to work on the relationship, that we had to put up with the difficulties. After we got back from a trip, he announced that he wanted to start a relationship with someone at his internship.
Anyway, what i went through in the aftermath I would not want to do again. I took the initiative and ran a personal ad(this was a long time ago before the internet!).This guy who was a drummer in a punk rock band wrote me(we wrote letters before we met in person) and when we did meet at one of his gigs we felt comfortable with each other. And it's been that way ever since. I can't say it has been conflict-free, but it was never a dramatic romantic agony type of relationship. My point here is that I think a lot of people like the romantic spark of relationships, but when that dies down, what is left? Do you  have things in common, do you like talking to each other, so you share the same values? This guy I met(now my hubby) was shy and not romantic, but there was something about him that made me want to stay with him. He is a vegan, I am not(I am sure he still holds out hope I will become one), but at home I respect that and don't have meat in the house....we still enjoy talking about all sorts of things, we debate political and social issues. He still has not been to a U2 concert, he does not understand why they are so great(yes, a disappointment for me). However, you begin to realize your partner does not have to like every single thing you do, and it's OK!

Even people who are married get bored, some have affairs, divorce and seek romantic excitement elsewhere. Companionship and compatibility are crucial, I believe.
Hang in there!