A favourite quote belongs to the philosopher Albert Camus, who recommended we "Live to the point of tears." While I believe this is great advice, it does raise the question - tears of what? Joy and triumph? Despair and doubt? ... It makes you wonder.
While I do not suffer from depression, I try to understand its often devastating impact. I say "try" because I haven't experienced it directly or powefully enough to "own" this knowledge. I have a quiet love and respect for people with this condition, and I wish them well.
What I struggle with is "vividness" or inappropriate sensitivity. I can still experience intense, raw and visceral feelings - good or bad - in a fairly direct way and these feelings can be almost overwhelming. In particular, at or during U2 shows, I probably tear up or weep at least 8 times - often at songs I've never really listened intently to. However, I feel fortunate as these moments remind me that I'm alive. Often, these songs involve transformations or triumphs where our hero turns a corner or takes a bold first step.
When I combine "Walk On" and "Moment of Surrender" or much material on NLOTH, I start thinking about the process or the moments of emancipation. I have recently been trying to expand my focus or ideas to reflect on other moments too. I think of these as shift points, when we let go, when we move forward, when we climb up, when we prevail. Occasionally I get struck by insight, such as with this sign and "magnificent". The song note "only love can leave such a mark ... only love can heal such a scar".
Perhaps we can learn from and through other simpler creatures. For instance, throughout their lives, certain "animals" molt. For instance, a crab sheds its exoskeleton to grow a new one. During this process, it makes itself vulnerable, but also discards the baggage and the marks and scars that adorn its armor. It leaves it all behind, and though weak and meet for a while, eventually becomes a more powerful, more vital entity. If the crab did not molt, it would condemn and restrict itself to living in a small, cramped and claustrophobic shell. And it would remain vulnerable due to size and its timidity. So do what you can to find love, set up your moments of surrender and then walk on and leave it behind. Even an electric crab sign in a beer add can inspire.
May we find the courage or space to molt and discard some of our old armor, if for no other better reason than to better feel, appreciate and reciprocate the hugs being exchanged here. I'll be praying for you all, and I sincerely promise that my future posts will be brief. But before I do, I'll send a thanks to those generous souls that care and share. As Elton John noted in Mona Lisas & Mad Hatters,
Until you've seen this trash can dream come true
You stand at the edge while people run you through
And I thank the lord there's people out there like you
I thank the lord there's people out there like you
May your God bless you all, especially those here, near and dear that may suffer. Find the best in yourselves and don't be afraid to share it.
