Depressed people club

[Inishfree]

Has anyone found that their religious beliefs and faith has helped cope with their depression or, indeed, overcome it?

For me, a defiante yes.  Ten years ago, I suffered from Situational Depression after I miscarried my second child.  My church had a bereivement group.  It was very helpful because, I was with others who had also lost of a loved one. 

[theocean]

Has anyone found that their religious beliefs and faith has helped cope with their depression or, indeed, overcome it?

My depression killed any sense I had that there was any kind of God looking out for my well-being.

just keep asking and praying, it will come.

[Smee]

Im really struggling with life. Im haunted by the desire to be at peace. Im fearful of this year and what its going to bring. The one thing that has kept me going was my kids. But now...my oldest has left home and living hundereds of miles away. I havent seen him for 6 months. My middle son once you to be desperate to be with me. Now....being with his freinds seems to be his main priority (which i totally understand)
My psychiatrist once told me i was born 2000 years too late, as i have the attributes to have been a sucsessfull Gladiator. But that got me thinking....And i do totally feel i dont fit in to todays world. I despise the way this world is. Its a materialistic judgemental world, where being a good guy means nothing. Which leads me on to the fact that next month, marks the tenth year i have been single. Much of that time, i have spent totally on my own....shut away in my house. Going weeks at a time without actually crossing my front door. I can go Months on end with no comapny, no one to speak to .....nothing.
The thing is.....i actually enjoy the bareable days. Its not like im suicidal, but i have a strong desire to leave this world. The only time i seem to be at peace with the world is when i am asleep. The thought of another year of this ahead of me has driven me into a very dark place. I feel im running out of steam for this life. Even if i did end things...its not like i didnt try....i endured 35 yrs of this nothingness, so i at least i gave it a good try

[Inishfree]

Smee,

Every life has a purpose.  You have touched everyone around you, even though you may not think so.  I have never met you in person, but your post have helped me.  I know what it is like to be homebound.  My panic attacks were so severe, I could even walk to the corner store without having one.  Everyday things that others take for granted were so difficult for me.  For years I would tell every Dr. that treated me.  I had panic attacks.  They seemed to ignore it.  Finally, I found another Dr. who listened and put me on meds.  The panic attacks stopped within months, but living a homebound life.  Well, that took a little longer.

My son is grown, married and on his own.  Like you as a parent, I am proud of him.  But, I also miss the days of when he was a little boy.  This is something that all of us parents have in common.  We wish we could freeze time and live those days over and over again.

And finally, you have friends here.  I know we have to use a computer to chat, because we all live in different countries.  But, you are not alone.  I think all of us have had tough times and that is when we get to carry each other.  Please, stay with us.  We want you around.

[satellitedog01]

Hey Smee! What's up with moving into the city?

You seem to fall into a trap I've recently climbed out of: you view the world as one whole, you are generalizing and homogenizing your view of people and the way life is. It is a misunderstanding and a distorted view.

People are individuals and there are a lot of bearable and good people to share your time with. It's all too easy to view modern living as materialistic and judgemental. Maybe it is in the city, maybe bored people get judgemental, but those who put an effort into their living and their craft, will (eventually) appreciate the struggle of others, and accept the myriad of colours in their acquaintances.

Hang on in there and get the f*** out of your known surroundings, and if you can, go take a couple of days off in a different town or country.

Get better, and don't think your boys are indifferent to you either. Best!

SD.

[trlica]

Smee,

new year has begun, you have a lot of things that you will have to do. Moving into new area can be stressful, make you anxious and worried. I know its hard to get to a new place cos you spent so many years in your house and maybe fear of unknow makes you feel depressed. But this will for sure bring something new, new people in your live, new neighbors. You were fighting for that, mostly cos of your kids. Remember, your kids will always need you, no matter how old they are/will be. They love you so much, want to live with you, feeling comfortable staying with you. Its normal that they are growing up, you cannot stop that, but they are your kids. Growing up they will need you more and more. They will come to you with their problems, you will be their support  in their life. They need friends which is normal, but doesn't mean that they need you less.
Your youngest son is special little guy who loves you the most. He will always needs your attention, more then two others.
And you cannot know what is behind the corners, you cannot know what time with brings, but you have to be here cos they need you. Leaving house very rarely is depressing, but maybe you are so get used on that that you are scared to change it. Try to get more out, even alone, you need to be among people, you have friends, call them, don't wait that they call you.
Be pleased with your life, you managed on your own for so many years, which means that you are strong person, you have wonderful raised kids thanks to you. Lead them through life, they are still kids, and they make your life better and full.
Try to force yourself to get out, at least few times a week, you will see how you will feel. It will be hard on the beginning but don't look for excuses not to do that. Keep moving on, maybe to find a hobby, some clubs that you will meet your interests, where you will meet new people.
Talk to your psychiatrist, maybe he can suggest something to do.
You know that you are strong person, you went through a lot in your life, so keep fighting for yourself, your kids and people who loves you. We love you, need you here. Need you around and want to see how you started to change your life in a good positive way.

HUGS

[Smee]

Thanx Folks. Dont fret, despite my STRONG desire to be at peace, I dont have the guts to do anything about it. And as i say.....i kinda like being about on the bareable days.
I just have a pretty uncertain future. Im being forced fromm my home and im so stressed about having to move. I am no good with upheaval and change. And there are other circumstances which could soon become a reality, and its all dragging me down.....this on top of living with a very damaging mental condition. I think its just the new year blues....all in all, im a pretty strong person....and in the end..i always plaogh on thro whatever is thrown at me.
I just have no one to talk to, so thought it might help to let off some steam, on a thread where i know others understand

[satellitedog01]

You're a strong dude, I have no worries bout that, you just gave in a little to self pity.

Change is good, it will let you focus on something else than yourself. Just get there step by step. I was forehead deep in my darkest years, and small steps helped get out eventually. Keep your head up and just move, ask old friends to help maybe.

I was surprised how many missed me, and how positive they were when I thought they'd given up on me. Don't think you have to do all the crap alone.

Keep on soldiering man, you'll be out of this, and better for it.

[Tumbling Dice]

I think you need to get out and start doing things.  You must be bored after all that time alone and perhaps it’s the boredom that’s making you feel tired of everything.  Ultimately, it is up to you to do start changing your life and the sooner the better.  Get a job, do some voluntary work, join things, take up a college course, go out walking, or running (this did more for Ronnie O’Sullivan’s depression than anything else), or take up cycling.  Doing things and keeping active, especially when it involves socialising with other people, all help prevent you from having sedentary thoughts.  Meeting people, for all their good and bad qualities, gives you a more accurate impression of what people and the world is really like.

Like SatDog suggests, what about travel?  Travel to someplace you’ve never been before.  I find that going to completely new places and the act of travelling itself makes me feel refreshed.  A change is as good as a rest.  And not only change in terms of activities or places, but also changing your thought patterns.  Have you ever thought differently about anything recently or are all your thoughts the same old thoughts and ideas you’ve been having for ages?  You’ve probably become very stale and that extends to your thought patterns.  This might sound strange, but watching The Sopranos changed my outlook on what life is about and how to live it.  You’re talking about death and yet you only get one life, so enjoy it on a sensual level.  If the alternative is nothingness then everything is a bonus.  Don’t feel guilty about doing the things that give you pleasure, be it eating and drinking, listening to music, watching your favourite TV shows or supporting your football club. 

You say you’ve been single for a long time.  What about restarting your love/sex life?    Think about all the good things a relationship can bring to your life.  Romantic relationships can be a cause of stress and unhappiness, but if it all goes wrong then what have you lost?  So get out there or maybe join a dating website.  To quote Bruce Springsteen: you can’t start a fire without a spark and you can’t start a fire worrying about your little world falling apart. 

Develop whole new interests and learn about brand new stuff.  Start campaigning politically against some of the things you don’t like about the world.  A bit of conflict can motivate, energise and give you a sense of purpose in life.  What about your opposition to government policy on benefits and housing?  Don’t let the bastards grind you down.  I was feeling a bit bored with life last month until one day I had an unexpected battle with the taxman.  That woke me up and made me focus on the moment, I’ll tell you that. 

Adopt a pet.  I cannot overstate the real joy a pet can bring to your life; a faithful little furry friend who’ll give you affection whoever you are.

View life as an adventure where you don’t know what’s going to happen or where it’s going to lead you.  Knowing what’s going to happen is boring.  Focus on the moment and experience life like a child.  If you feel nervous about change, at least that’s a feeling that makes you feel alive and not numb.  Just hold your breath and jump in the deep end.  If you’re an introvert by nature, try acting the extravert.  Be who you want to be.

Oh and keep taking your medication and always keep appointments with your psychiatrist.

[seashells]

Smee - try exercise. It does amazing things for the body and soul.  You can do it inside if you don't want to go out; no equipment needed to stretch/situps/pushups/etc.  Start doing a little every day and maybe you'll venture out to walk.  I live where it is cold/snow so people walk laps inside the mall this time of year.  You'll see lots of people/sites there. Good luck.  Exercise has worked for many people I know.

[Borack]

Smee - try exercise. It does amazing things for the body and soul.  You can do it inside if you don't want to go out; no equipment needed to stretch/situps/pushups/etc.  Start doing a little every day and maybe you'll venture out to walk.  I live where it is cold/snow so people walk laps inside the mall this time of year.  You'll see lots of people/sites there. Good luck.  Exercise has worked for many people I know.

Greetings Smee (and others)

First, I'm not so certain I'd agree with your Psychiatrists observation that you should have been a gladiator.  It seems that they often lived in brutal conditions, met fates or death based on the whims of spectators, and had a life expectancy of 27.  I know that its tempting to think of yourself as like Vorenus or Titus Pullo (of HBO's Rome), but think of how many gladiators that these two rogues also cut down. Piles.

Much of the advice given above is great. Make certain you're eating properly, sleeping appropriately, and receiving sufficient amounts of B and in particular D vitamins. As noted in remarks about Seasonal Affective Disorder, these months of the year (in the Northern hemisphere) are particularly difficult. Do what you can to remain active physically, mentally, emotionally and socially, and if possible, get out there and help someone else, as you are definitely a caring soul.

Last, and I'll probably regret sharing this, but suicide is one of the most selfish things that anyone can do anywhere at any time.  Why do I say this. Because when you're in a relationship with, or related to, somethat you really care about (and this includes primarily chosen relationships but also family ones, particular with siblings and parents) then its almost like the other person implants, (or at least catalytically activates) some sources of energy within you. Its like the person has implanted or activated batteries that help provide you with extra energy or vitality or ganas or some other source of power and inspiration. But do you know how it feels when this trusted advocate and person suddenly takes themself out of the game? It hurts like hell, it feels like a part of you has been ripped out and shredded, and it feels like the "batteries" and sources of power have not only been shut down, but that they continue to leak or leach acid and pain into you on a daily basis for a long, long time. Its really dreadful in so many ways. And in addition, the survivors have to cope with grief, regret, self-recrimination, loss, anguish, doubt and a host of other rotten yet enduring feelings.  And this misery can last for a long and bleak time.

I know that you're a caring person, and a devoted father, and a warm and decent person that's capable of love and hope and grace and many other things too. So I'd just hope and pray that you give yourself a bit more credit about your character and resources. Don't give up on yourself, don't give in to mental slavery, don't live in fear in some collapsing cocoon, don't be afraid of change as without it we all stagnate. Get out there and interact. ...
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... As there's a great person I'm certain that you'll meet many times, a person that the world needs and values and can learn from, a person that's got not only huge potential but a great heart and a vital purpose, and that person is you.  Fortiter! Smee and don't give up on yourself. Lucius Vornus would be proud.

[EnduringChill]

Um, hello. I've posted in this thread before, but never felt the need to talk about anything I was feeling. It felt less like a problem and more like whining (and it still does, as I'm not clinically depressed as far as I know and I don't feel like I deserve to talk about just feeling bad when more people actually have this condition and probably feel worse than I do at times). But I have to talk now... For most of this week I've been in a low mood and I don't know how to get rid of it. Exam week for midterms is next week and instead of focusing on studying, I've been preparing for all-county band which was supposed to happen this week. It's been incredibly hard having to fullfill my pleasurable duties to band and chorus and cramming every bit of information I learned all year into my brain for the tests next week. I feel like my mind is a colander and everything I'm trying to study is slipping through the holes. When I'm at home, I study and wish I was doing anything but, but when I'm trying to relax and ha

[EnduringChill]

(My phone cut me off) ...ve fun, I'm berating myself in my head for not studying harder. It's been cold and rainy all week, which I hate and which would be a reasonable cause of sinking spirits for me, and school has been cancelled tomorrow due to snow, and that should make me feel happy, but instead I'm upset that I can't go to all-county band and now have to spend time at home studying for exams.  Every time Itry to tell myself that I'll do fine if I study each subject the night before, my mind keeps telling me that I have to start studying NOW and that I shouldn't be having fun. And yet when I try to study NOW, the only thing that allows it to hold my interest is if I'm listening to music at the same time.  I'm terrified that I'll completely fail these exams, but I can't let myself study and I can't let myself have fun. All I really want to do is sing or play my clarinet all day. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can feel better and get through next week?

[Spanisheyes]

EC- I dont know exactly how you feel, but i had some problems with my mood around exam-time two years ago. Its a lot of pressure, but it will get better if you just dont let the mood take control. About the studying (i have the same problem too) try to tell yourself to study one hour before you do something you want to for a while, then repeat this a couple of times every day

[Shesgonnadreamoutloud]

EC- you just described my feelings from my exam week spot on. I've been having a lot of issues lately (which I won't dive into because it'll just be annoying and distracting) but I totally get you 1 billion percent. All I could do was distract myself and no matter how I studied I just couldn't process anything and it was horrible. I always worry too much about everything and stress a ton. My suggestion to you would be to just step back for a second and look at your situation. Instead of trying to cram all your studying into every second of your life (which I know can be very stressful) space out your studying for a chunk of time for each subject each day so that you get it done in time, and then maybe add 15 minute (or however long) breaks in between each subject. I learned by experience that consistently cramming does nothing but wear you down and stress you out. So once you feel like you understand a subject or whatever well enough, don't spend a ton of time on it and move on to the stuff that you don't get as well. You're a smart person, EC, and chances are you'll probably already have some of the stuff memorized. I really give my best of luck to you for your exams (trust me, I know how you feel (but that story's for a later day)) and if you still struggle tell yourself that it's only one week in your life. You'll get through it and everything's gonna be alright.