I'm over it, I'm back to life, surprisingly. I spent three years in self imposed isolation, not going out at all, stopped meeting friends, spent almost every day in a small room with the computer, only held online contact with most people aside from family and girlfriend.
Then this autumn, I got over the hatred I felt towards myself and people, and started acting normal and taking small steps towards normalcy.
First I started working out again (I'm very self conscious about my looks, and having been way overweight for the last two years added hugely to my depression), to my surprise I followed that up by enrolling in a Maya 3D graphic design and animation course at an authorized professional school (it's an intensive course, about 5 months, starting February), and decided to move to Berlin after the course, and to hopefully get a driver's license before that too. The course is expensive, and I have limited resources, and I didn't want my parents to pay for the whole thing, while I still have to fund my move and driving lessons... In the end I needed a job.
I've been getting gradually better over the past couple of months, from August or so on, and now it might change even more significantly:
Two weekends ago I found a graphic designer job offer by an advertising agency specialized in packaging, and in-store/event displays, and are producing quality work (that was the reason I jumped on it, despite not having an experience in the field, plus it's a three month stint as a stand in guy, so no long term commitment, plus it would end before the course, so no double duty stress).
I put together my new portfolio over a couple of days, and the morning after I submitted it, I got called in for a job interview, and got a test task, which I've finished and submitted. Their graphic designers selected 11 people of the roughly 60 applicants for interviews, and even if I don't get the job, I'm finally unafraid to apply for one, and that's a good enough start. Actually I might just apply for another right away, if this doesn't work out.
So while I'd love to spend the next three months recording music and working on exhibition projects (I feel ready for that finally), I might have to hold down a job instead. :-)
It certainly feels better than the last three years have. So I guess the moral is: by taking small steps, a lot of change can be achieved. Also if you have some clever and positive friends, talk to them as much as you can.