Author Topic: 8 Secrets Bono DOESN'T Want You To Know  (Read 1319 times)

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Offline jenniferh aka jen

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8 Secrets Bono DOESN'T Want You To Know
« on: March 04, 2011, 06:03:54 PM »
This is not a real news story, it's all in good fun!


8 Secrets Bono DOESN'T Want You To Know
Funny or Die
By Dan Abramson
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For someone who lives in the public eye, U2 singer and sunglasses aficionado Bono has kept much of his live private. Until today.

1. Bono is an accomplished inventor. And while he fears the public knowledge of his work will ruin his image as an artist/blowhard, there's a high probability you've used his innovations. Some trademarks that can be traced back to the U2 frontman include toasters with slots big enough for bagels, Groucho glasses, the three point line, body wash, and the concept of true love.

2. Speaking of true love, Bono wrote the screenplay for The Notebook. His taking of the pen name Jan Sardi (clearly made up) is a testament to his wish that the fire behind Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdam's affair be credited to no one in particular. When asked about the screenplay, Bono is known to deny it, only to wistfully stare in the distance and whisper "It wasn't over, it still isn't over." Bono also makes a cameo in the film, filling in for Gena Rowlands when the actress's outlandish demands sequestered her to her trailer for three weeks. Bono's a team player.

3. Bono is partly responsible for the attacks on Pearl Harbor.

4. In 1997, as a goof, Bono poisoned The Edge just see if he had the power to bring him back to life. He did not. However, since Bono does have the power to have millions of millions of dollars, he conducted three years of research to learn how to extract The Edge's DNA from his limp body and successfully clone his guitarist.

5. Bono can clone human beings.

6. During a three week stretch in 1983, Bono was married to Barbara Streisand. It's a common misconception that the song "Mysterious Ways" is about their torrid love affair. In actuality, the song "Sunday Bloody Sunday" is the Streisand-centric tune, a detailed account of their love of a refreshing bloody mary.

7. Bono's never been to Africa. He has been to the Rainforest Cafe (Bono also thinks that Africa is South America).

8. Bono hates sunglasses. As so, he refers to all of his trademark shades as "Moonglasses."



Offline horizon

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Re: 8 Secrets Bono DOESN'T Want You To Know
« Reply #1 on: March 05, 2011, 07:44:07 AM »
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This is not a real news story, it's all in good fun!


8 Secrets Bono DOESN'T Want You To Know
Funny or Die
By Dan Abramson
You are not allowed to view links. Register or Login

For someone who lives in the public eye, U2 singer and sunglasses aficionado Bono has kept much of his live private. Until today.

1. Bono is an accomplished inventor. And while he fears the public knowledge of his work will ruin his image as an artist/blowhard, there's a high probability you've used his innovations. Some trademarks that can be traced back to the U2 frontman include toasters with slots big enough for bagels, Groucho glasses, the three point line, body wash, and the concept of true love.

2. Speaking of true love, Bono wrote the screenplay for The Notebook. His taking of the pen name Jan Sardi (clearly made up) is a testament to his wish that the fire behind Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdam's affair be credited to no one in particular. When asked about the screenplay, Bono is known to deny it, only to wistfully stare in the distance and whisper "It wasn't over, it still isn't over." Bono also makes a cameo in the film, filling in for Gena Rowlands when the actress's outlandish demands sequestered her to her trailer for three weeks. Bono's a team player.

3. Bono is partly responsible for the attacks on Pearl Harbor.

4. In 1997, as a goof, Bono poisoned The Edge just see if he had the power to bring him back to life. He did not. However, since Bono does have the power to have millions of millions of dollars, he conducted three years of research to learn how to extract The Edge's DNA from his limp body and successfully clone his guitarist.

5. Bono can clone human beings.

6. During a three week stretch in 1983, Bono was married to Barbara Streisand. It's a common misconception that the song "Mysterious Ways" is about their torrid love affair. In actuality, the song "Sunday Bloody Sunday" is the Streisand-centric tune, a detailed account of their love of a refreshing bloody mary.

7. Bono's never been to Africa. He has been to the Rainforest Cafe (Bono also thinks that Africa is South America).

8. Bono hates sunglasses. As so, he refers to all of his trademark shades as "Moonglasses."

:D

Offline StrongGirl

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Re: 8 Secrets Bono DOESN'T Want You To Know
« Reply #2 on: March 05, 2011, 11:44:33 AM »
Great stuff , Jennifer!

Offline Droo

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Re: 8 Secrets Bono DOESN'T Want You To Know
« Reply #3 on: March 06, 2011, 02:21:06 PM »
I love #8

Offline Starman

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Re: 8 Secrets Bono DOESN'T Want You To Know
« Reply #4 on: March 06, 2011, 04:09:56 PM »
Reminds me of this:

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And other U2 Onion articles are here:

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