Author Topic: 40 here hi.  (Read 1679 times)

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Offline ac3

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40 here hi.
« on: March 11, 2010, 05:18:47 PM »
hello, i'm 40.  nice age for a u2 fan to be.  i spent my 40th birthday in the hospital with a heart attack and stroke and just like that "the hands that build" they took away.  they took away my life.  now i am on permanent SSDI disability.  i have hiv also, and almost died from pneumonia.  i am born again christian, recovering baptist, though i still aliterate (sp?) without realizing.  loved the boys for almost 3/4 my life.  i'd take a bullet for any of them.  they literally saved my life, and another loved one's life.  a friend was suicidal in 87 and we al turned her onto 'still haven't found' and it was a light go off in her head, in her faith, it reignited her christian faith.  she never found what she's looking for, b ut she realized others look for same thing, and most important, she realized that she is not supposed to find what she's looking for in this life, from a christian perspective.  we look for our salvation, our christ, and we won't be perfect here.

this year, the song breathe, actually, the end of the song, 'i found grace inside a sound, i found grace, it's all i found"  that line saved my life, kept me from hanging mmyself.  so depressed at having it all and then losing it all.  the distance between the billionaire ceo and the beggar freezing to death on the street is less than one hair's breadth, less than one breath, one heartbeat away.  or rather, one missed heartbeat and missed breath away.

i love these guys with my life.  i'm not crazy psycho stalker, but i talked my therapist into taking his lady friend who liked u2, to the concert.  he's in his sixties, so is she.  she is an artist, and we talked about the song mysterious ways in one session, and he said, that describes her, she is such a mystery and an ethereal being.  and i said, see, you're not the only one who has to contend with the mystery that is woman and all the mysteries of christ and god and creation that are wrapped up inside her.  she is painter, very good.  she created children, now she creates pictures.  she creates furniture and songs and moods.  he does not know where they come from.  i said, ok now i am the therapist and you are the patient.  if you don't propose to her you are idiot.  she makes him swoon and see god in the world and love and light in the world.  i said, follow light, follow love, god is always nearby those.  he said it was church to see them.  75000 people singing amazing grace, the intro to streets, in the belt buckle of the bible belt -- texas.  as loud as they could be.  the pasadena show, on youtube, they didn't know all the words, but in texas, every person in every seat knew every word to amazing grace, and drowned out bono totally.  we sang at the top of our lungs.  i was so sick.  i said god take my life if you wish but i am going to the show, on a gurney, with oxygen and a nurse, or just by myself if i can.  i will be there, and i don't care if it costs me my life.  that is one of the ways i'd love to go.  i'd love to be singing at a u2 concert, singing 'streets' and then double over and fall backwards into my seat, dead from  heart attack, and as i lose consciousness and my spirit leaves me and my grandmother and first love and all the people i buried and all the loves i had that died of hiv before me, all my friends who know christ, have them come to the u2 show and escort me out of this realm to the tune of 'streets'  and take me to my lord.  that's how i want to die, with u2 playing. 

they saved my life, they gave me a reson to live. 

now, if they only play 'acrobat' before i die, because that is about me.  that song is about my christian walk.  i talk so inspiring words, and i am a hypocrite.  on the next leg, i hope they open with fez/being born.  i hope to hear white as snow. 

i love the new album more than the last two.  bomb was a bomb for me, i didn't like it.  all you can't leave behind, i hated until this year.  now it's one of their classics.  they've never made a bad album, pop was a fabulous record.  i would love them to "redo" the pop tour...  use this next leg to dig into pop.  or after the tour, go through an arena tour, but make it a "hardcore fans only" arena tour, promise not to play the big hits, but play the obscure stuff, the stuff they never got around to.  i'd love to see them do a whole covers show at one of their concerts.  they don't have anything left to prove, despite what they say.  so why not explore the past, and go from the first demos up to the out takes of the last record.  the spiderman stuff (which hate to say, that show will never even open -- it's just a money loser disaster even if they sell out every night).  just do stuff like that for us.

i ask too much.

so my life is gone.  and my new life, i have nothign to do but play guitar and write music and essays and stories.  if i weren't what i used to be, i would want to be a guitarist.  maybe a heart attack and stroke and hiv slowed m life down and got rid of the stupid stuff, the useless stuff.  maybe it is time, maybe i am here to create, to create just for the sake of creation, who cares if it is good.  maybe i was supposed to be a guitarist and it took god almost striking me dead to realize it.

god is love, u2 is love, i love them, i love my u2 friends.



Offline ElJayVee

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Re: 40 here hi.
« Reply #1 on: March 11, 2010, 05:32:55 PM »
AC3, it's so nice to meet you.    What a sad, uplifting, frightening story.  But I guess that's life, isn't it?

I'll keep you in my prayers.  Stay strong and keep listening to U2 - they've brought me through some dark moments (albeit not as dark as yours).  I, too, wish they'd play Acrobat live before I die!

I look forward to reading more of your posts - don't be shy!

Offline StrongGirl

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Re: 40 here hi.
« Reply #2 on: March 11, 2010, 05:40:08 PM »
Welcome ac3. Thank you for your brave post. I do pray that your dark times become brighter. As our band says.....there's always dark before the dawn. I am so happy that U2 got you through some very, very tough things. Perhaps you had to travel that road to get to where you are now....doing what you are meant to do.....write inspirational songs and essays that will touch people's lives and make a difference. I believe you can. I am looking forward to chatting with you more here about life, music and of course our band!  Take good care of yourself and God bless you, SG

Luis Youtwo

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Re: 40 here hi.
« Reply #3 on: March 11, 2010, 09:01:53 PM »
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hello, i'm 40.  nice age for a u2 fan to be.  i spent my 40th birthday in the hospital with a heart attack and stroke and just like that "the hands that build" they took away.  they took away my life.  now i am on permanent SSDI disability.  i have hiv also, and almost died from pneumonia.  i am born again christian, recovering baptist, though i still aliterate (sp?) without realizing.  loved the boys for almost 3/4 my life.  i'd take a bullet for any of them.  they literally saved my life, and another loved one's life.  a friend was suicidal in 87 and we al turned her onto 'still haven't found' and it was a light go off in her head, in her faith, it reignited her christian faith.  she never found what she's looking for, b ut she realized others look for same thing, and most important, she realized that she is not supposed to find what she's looking for in this life, from a christian perspective.  we look for our salvation, our christ, and we won't be perfect here.

this year, the song breathe, actually, the end of the song, 'i found grace inside a sound, i found grace, it's all i found"  that line saved my life, kept me from hanging mmyself.  so depressed at having it all and then losing it all.  the distance between the billionaire ceo and the beggar freezing to death on the street is less than one hair's breadth, less than one breath, one heartbeat away.  or rather, one missed heartbeat and missed breath away.

i love these guys with my life.  i'm not crazy psycho stalker, but i talked my therapist into taking his lady friend who liked u2, to the concert.  he's in his sixties, so is she.  she is an artist, and we talked about the song mysterious ways in one session, and he said, that describes her, she is such a mystery and an ethereal being.  and i said, see, you're not the only one who has to contend with the mystery that is woman and all the mysteries of christ and god and creation that are wrapped up inside her.  she is painter, very good.  she created children, now she creates pictures.  she creates furniture and songs and moods.  he does not know where they come from.  i said, ok now i am the therapist and you are the patient.  if you don't propose to her you are idiot.  she makes him swoon and see god in the world and love and light in the world.  i said, follow light, follow love, god is always nearby those.  he said it was church to see them.  75000 people singing amazing grace, the intro to streets, in the belt buckle of the bible belt -- texas.  as loud as they could be.  the pasadena show, on youtube, they didn't know all the words, but in texas, every person in every seat knew every word to amazing grace, and drowned out bono totally.  we sang at the top of our lungs.  i was so sick.  i said god take my life if you wish but i am going to the show, on a gurney, with oxygen and a nurse, or just by myself if i can.  i will be there, and i don't care if it costs me my life.  that is one of the ways i'd love to go.  i'd love to be singing at a u2 concert, singing 'streets' and then double over and fall backwards into my seat, dead from  heart attack, and as i lose consciousness and my spirit leaves me and my grandmother and first love and all the people i buried and all the loves i had that died of hiv before me, all my friends who know christ, have them come to the u2 show and escort me out of this realm to the tune of 'streets'  and take me to my lord.  that's how i want to die, with u2 playing. 

they saved my life, they gave me a reson to live. 

now, if they only play 'acrobat' before i die, because that is about me.  that song is about my christian walk.  i talk so inspiring words, and i am a hypocrite.  on the next leg, i hope they open with fez/being born.  i hope to hear white as snow. 

i love the new album more than the last two.  bomb was a bomb for me, i didn't like it.  all you can't leave behind, i hated until this year.  now it's one of their classics.  they've never made a bad album, pop was a fabulous record.  i would love them to "redo" the pop tour...  use this next leg to dig into pop.  or after the tour, go through an arena tour, but make it a "hardcore fans only" arena tour, promise not to play the big hits, but play the obscure stuff, the stuff they never got around to.  i'd love to see them do a whole covers show at one of their concerts.  they don't have anything left to prove, despite what they say.  so why not explore the past, and go from the first demos up to the out takes of the last record.  the spiderman stuff (which hate to say, that show will never even open -- it's just a money loser disaster even if they sell out every night).  just do stuff like that for us.

i ask too much.

so my life is gone.  and my new life, i have nothign to do but play guitar and write music and essays and stories.  if i weren't what i used to be, i would want to be a guitarist.  maybe a heart attack and stroke and hiv slowed m life down and got rid of the stupid stuff, the useless stuff.  maybe it is time, maybe i am here to create, to create just for the sake of creation, who cares if it is good.  maybe i was supposed to be a guitarist and it took god almost striking me dead to realize it.

god is love, u2 is love, i love them, i love my u2 friends.
G`Day  ac3 ,
 you are a true inspiration to me and i think to us all ,
this has to be the most courages and the best post i have ever read .
thanks for sharing this with us and i must agree God is Love  :)

Offline theocean

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Re: 40 here hi.
« Reply #4 on: March 13, 2010, 06:28:18 AM »
Isnt it funny thought that U2 led you here among such great people to
carry you threw each day.

Remember carry each other.
Welcome! :)

Offline trlica

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Re: 40 here hi.
« Reply #5 on: March 13, 2010, 07:58:13 AM »
Hi,

you are a very brave and strong person and I am so glad that you came to this forum and became our friend.
I am looking forward to see you around and to be part of our chatting about U2 and other non-relating things.

Welcome and have fun here!!

hugs